The Key to Building a Network of Strong Relationships

"I hate networking; it feels so artificial." As an experienced Career Management Coach, I have had clients say this and more about their disdain for this process. Explaining that it is about building a series of connecting relationships often brings about a pained expression.

Being successful is not about whom you know; it’s about who knows you. Building a network is a critical skill in the realm of career management. Our next opportunity will likely come through contacts that have developed into mutually beneficial relationships.

The importance of networking is preached in every career management seminar. People are told that networking is not about collecting business cards; it's about building dialogue and sustaining a relationship. Yet no one explains how to go about building that relationship, especially at the critical first meeting. We know that everyone wants to be acknowledged, valued, and listened to, but our transmitters seem to be set on send rather than receive.

With our well-prepared 30-second "elevator pitch," we are ready to answer the question, "So tell me about yourself…", but has anyone thought about how to engage others and sustain a conversation after the commercial? How we can listen as well as talk?

Jayne Mattson is the author of You, You, Me, You. The Art of Talking to People, Networking and Building Relationships. She is a Career Management expert who recognizes this dilemma and she has turned her guiding principle into a solution. Jayne says that to build a relationship “you must see the value in meeting new people, be curious about what they do and recognize everyone has something to offer”.  She emphasizes the importance of truly listening to other people to strengthen the bond and develop trust, and lays out some steps for making that happen.

She quotes Dale Carnegie who said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." Jayne’s book turns this quote into a life lesson for the reader. She describes a method of how to engage people in conversation in a way that brings about positive and mutually beneficial relationships. The key to making this work is the recognition that building relationships is not a business transaction but a connection based on a genuine interest and curiosity in the other person.

Jayne’s short book is packed with practical advice. She shows others how to initiate, engage in, develop and strengthen a conversation, particularly in those tricky first meetings.  We have a tendency to want to tell the other person about ourselves, but we may not know how to make the other person feel acknowledged and heard.

She emphasizes that we often underestimate how important trust is to build a relationship. No one is going expend their valuable social capital on people whose character they know nothing about. When we are interested in learning more about the other person, we’re also letting them see who we are. That lays the groundwork for us to share what we want them to know about us in subsequent conversations.

Jayne recognizes that in the real world things are not neat and predictable. Every person we meet is a unique opportunity to learn something new, which might include handling the introvert, the awkward and the rude. She provides suggestions on how to make both you and the other person feel comfortable at the moment ---and tips on managing the occasional uncomfortable ones.

The important reminder that Jayne offers to us in this book is to pay attention to how we respond when we are engaged by others. This knowledge will increase your self- awareness, help you to be in the moment, actively listen and be genuinely curious about the other person.